The X Factor UK: Week 7

At this stage on The X Factor the UK producers have all of the acts in place who potentially may have an album or some kind of music career after the show. Jahmene as the new asexual soul star, James Arthur as the nearest to urban that the show will get, Ella as pop star who mainly sings Adele type ballads, Union J as boy band, Christopher will release an album for Mother’s Day and Rylan will be both a novelty pop star and a reality TV star who is (already) famous for being famous. 

This week is Guilty Pleasures week and Dermot ‘dances’ to MC Hammer and it’s better best forgotten. Nicole wins in the style wars as she went for an origami outfit this week. Louis is looking more like the stylists have a photo of Anderson Cooper on their desk and think that’s the way they will at least try to make him look.  

Union J: There is a list of sentences that will be said in the VT that you could type up in advance of each week’s show. Union J state one of the most regular ones; ‘We can’t be in the bottom two again!’. 

The contestants are sent to Disneyland Paris on the train (v Harry Potter!) and most of them say they were playing a gig which sounds so wrong when you consider that they just go on stage and seem to sing just one song to a backing track. It’s hardly the Rolling Stones! As One Direction are just little horn dogs these days Union J are now rapidly being marketed to be the more traditional boy band in their bubblegum image appealing to younger audiences and I think that’s why the Disney audience is used in the VT this week.  

On stage in the X Factor Studio they sing Call Me Maybe and it’s very competent. They always seem to perform exactly as they are supposed to. Nothing will really go wrong. They’re good but never wow which they should be to make them different. One of them looks like early Beatles Paul McCartney. Their performance has already resulted in more download sales of Call Me Maybe and it climbs back up the UK charts. This year due to X Factor performances (especially Kye’s and James Atthur’s) songs that have already had huge success this year simply have more sales which is one factor I hate this year. It prevents new songs getting proper chart placings. Tulisa gives out about Call Me Maybe being too cheesy, she’s a bitter little pop star!

Ella: In Disneyland she sings Firework and on stage it all sounds so earnest. It just seems out of place there which makes me wonder about her real pop star potential. Back in London Ella’s at the Breaking Dawn Part II première and I think Simon could have swung her a meet and greet with the stars but Kristen Stewart may have looked as sullen as James Arthur in the VT. On stage Ella is wearing one of her now traditional glitter dress outfits and looks beautiful. She sings an almost gospel version of You’re the One That I Want and I thought it was stunning. She of course has her wobble notes which I wish she would drop but overall it’s a real reinvention of the song. I do think Tulisa chooses her songs well each week. Ella is her last contestant and she is determined that each week she will be as good as she can be. Nicole uses the word cheesy again and I realise how much I hate that word.

James Arthur: In his VT he mentions his bromance with Rylan which makes him more likeable. Jahmene looks like he so uncomfortable in the same VT. He sings Can’t Take My eyes Off You and it is his most subdued performance to date and the one I liked best. It is a song that has had several cover versions over the years so it is a song that works well in the style he has chosen to do. It is also the kind of version that Lucy would have done and with her gone out of the show he is now the main focus for the untitled singer songwriter category. While he sings on stage Nicole is all hands in the air like someone’s aunt at a wedding who has had one babycham too  many. 

When James faces the judges he once again has no interest whatsoever in what Louis says. I think he sees right through Louis which makes me like him. Gary signs the adoption papers to have James as his own act should Christopher go on Sunday night. 

Rylan: He is wonderfully full of his own stardom in Disneyland Paris as he should be. An example being when thousands came up to him when he was there. The VT shows 10 people at least. I love that there is no sound when he performs on stage in Disneyland. It’s almost like the editing team having a little joke. 

In the studio he is dressed like a Dynasty character going to conquer Mars. He performs Girls on Film which is more the Girls Aloud cover version than Duran Duran’s original. I thought it would have been best if he had left it at that but he seemed to ruin it by then singing When Will I Be Famous by Bros which just sounds cocky without being just ironic. The set is of course mental with guys in silver shorts on treadmills. I could imagine Brian Friedman waking at 430am in the morning with a notepad by his bed going ‘Eureka!’. 

The best bit of Rylan’s performance is always his interaction with the judges. The fact that they show a video of him (pre becoming Rylan make over) singing a Take That song shows how structured and scripted the show is. Gary asks him which one of Take That was he and his reply that he wasn’t Gary as he’s ‘too skinny’ is brilliant. Gary says ‘I’m coming to get you’ in his best Ray Winstone voice and the other judges jump around like the monkeys in 2001: A Space Odyssey. I think Rylan may go this week but what a final comic line he had on stage tonight.

Christopher: His VT is literally the same every week so onto the studio performance where he sings Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler. At the beginning of the show the music used was Holding Out for a Hero so it’s all subliminal as usual. You almost know Christopher is going to sing Total Eclipse but it is one of his better vocal performance. He is very nervous again and you can see  he overcomes it by concentrating on the song. His laser eyes on the wall behind him are just  strange and it just reminds me of how much the original video freaked me out when I was a child. Louis gives a synopsis instead of a critique which is also part of the show each week now. I think Christopher will finally be in the bottom two on Sunday with Rylan.

Jahmene: He says that he gets letters from his fans which is of course very sweet. I would have loved if he got a six pack of Budweiser, 20 Rothmans and a pole dancing voucher just for him to make fun of his own Mother Teresa image. It’s all so serious with Jahmene. The irony of his constant giggle! 

On stage he is styled like a glitzy rabbi and sings Don’t Leave Me This Way. It is all very disco at the gospel hall. The other irony of Jahmene is that he has sung several songs that could be described as big gay anthems. I think his future album will be very Susan Boyle; 10 songs that you expect and then a cover of You’ll See or Enjoy the Silence as well. 

The X Factor UK: The Live Shows: Week 6

The opening sequence of X Factor is so over the top in it’s own self worth that it’s always funny when something goes wrong. This happened on this week’s Saturday night show when Dermot and the judges were about to be introduced and someone ran out in front of the main cameras on stage who I would imagine was one of the unfortunate production staff. If ever there was a rabbit caught in headlights moment it was that. 

Tonight’s theme is Best Of British. Dermot thankfully was not accompanied by a bevy of Austin Powers dancers so there was no dancing from him. Nicole looked amazing in a fantastic white power suit while Tulisa has changed her hairstyle and looked the best she has done in weeks. The chat with the judges has become the most scripted part of the show at this stage. Gary jibes at Dermot for him commenting on his last contestant in the show. ‘Why!’ asks Gary. ‘Because the scriptwriters tell me I have to!’ Dermot will reply one day. 

Christopher: His VT with Gary seems to go on forever. He is singing I’m Still Standing by Elton John which continues his covers from the 1980’s tradition. This week’s VT is like a documentary. You could have gone and Youtubed the entire original song and they still be talking after it. Christopher being in the show reminds me of the brilliant Peter Kay send up of reality TV shows a few years ago. His hand is shaking badly as he sings which does make me feel a bit sorry for him. He has no real connection with the dancers who just look strange. I thought his vocals were pretty good but it is true as Tulisa says that he is the Karaoke King. You can almost see that on his gig posters in the months to come. Louis reiterates (robs) Tulisa’s Karaoke King comment. No matter what they say he either will not be in the bottom two or he will be and the producers may decide Gary can’t lose four acts by week six. 

Jahmene: Nicole’s ‘friend in the music business’ this week is Jennifer Hudson and she talks to Jahmene on the phone. No one holds an I Phone like an X Factor contestant. It looks like it’s prepared for take off on his hand as if he’s thinking ‘It’s a Pussycat doll’s phone. I must pretend it’s not there’. Jahmene sings Angels by Robbie Williams. There must be a section in guest mentors contracts that if they are on the show then their songs will be performed by the contestants in the live shows. Robbie is of course number one in the singles and album charts so all this is subliminal, connecting an old song to the fact they are currently in the charts. Jahmene sings Angels a cappella at first and it’s quite nice and then oh no! It’s a choir. Not a children’s choir but almost as bad. Tulisa calls Angels old school and I feel very old indeed.

District 3: There is a lot of spilt screen going on in the VT as if the editor has thought ‘do you know what would be good!’. It’s just annoying. They sing Tears in Heaven by Eric Clapton. It is one of those songs that you immediately think of the tragic story about the song’s origin so it’s almost impossible to be negative about any performance of it. Ballads suit District 3 the best but with them being on first especially with a  ballad I think it is Union J who will be remembered most this evening. I do think they have fans who like both of their brand of boy band. I think Simon knows that there is not a division of phone votes but a doubling. I can see District 3 going before Union J.

Ella: She sings Written in the Stars by Tinie Tempah and it’s good but I want to hear her sing a song in the way she re-invented Believe by Cher. While Lucy was allowed to sing her own songs throughout boot camp and the live shows Ella too should also be allowed to do so such as when she sang at the auditions. I do think her cover versions sound the same sometimes. She could sing Enter Sandman and Amazing Grace and they would be in the same vocal style. Tulisa tells viewers to vote for her because she’s a girl, the only girl left. We will hear this every week from now on until Lucy makes an Amelia Lily like return.

Rylan: Rylan meets Geri Halliwell which adds to his CV for his own Rylan Meets reality TV show. When he tells her that he is going to sing a Spice Girls song she says ‘That’s amazing’. My friend Alan who watched the show with me said ‘She’s such a bad actress!’. They were never going to have her in to see him if he was going to do an All Saints melody. 

Half of the show’s budget goes into Rylan’s performance. It is of course a melody which includes Wannabe, Spice Up Your Life, Say You’ll Be There and Who Do You Think You Are. Rylan’s vocals are as usual what you expect but I loved the entire performance. Rylan as the Queen/Gay James Bond jumping out of the plane, getting his harness stuck at the back of the stage and then continuing on. The dancers were brilliant especially the guys with the Union Jack Glitter chests which I’m sure will be copied all over gay clubs after Saturday Night’s show. The dancers really multi tasked with this performance and it was as much their show as it was Rylan’s. It was so colourful and fun. Tulisa and Nicole jumped around like children with too much sugar at a birthday party. Gary was indeed grumpy Spice. 

Union J:  The story of Union J continues this week with them each having a background story in the VT. The VT is connected to their performance of Coldplay’s Fix You with George wearing a military jacket. He plays his guitar which I think only helps to disconnect him from the other three in the group. I don’t think their fans will be going to see George in concert just to see him play his guitar. Over the past few weeks the other three in Union J have sort of morphed into one look as boy band images often do and George who was brought in to make them look even prettier than they are is kind of there but not there. Nicole makes a point about the armed forces at the end of their performance which while well meaning seems to make a boy band cover on a Saturday night show political.

James Arthur: He gets to meet his sister in his VT. It’s like as if he or she is off to fight in the next round of The Hunger Games. he sings Hometown Glory by Adele and it is one of his best performances. The song does suit him but his performance reminds me of Matt Cardle and how his own credibility was changed after he won the show. James Arthur sings a lot with his eyes closed. His body language with the judges is always the same. It’s almost as if he isn’t there. It isn’t cockiness but something else. contestants in other years were criticised about that but he never is. The most OTT comment after his performance  is that he is ‘the future of music’. Oh dear!

One Direction: They have a new single and album out so they are on Saturday night’s show twice this series. Little Things is a ballad where they all sing even Niall who isn’t bad at all; he just looks startled. What has ruined their song a bit for non One Direction fans in the fact that they have 22 Worldwide singles. What Makes You Beautiful (UK & Ireland) and Live While We’re Young (Ireland & New Zealand) were number ones and they did have number ones with the two X Factor charity songs but that is just four number ones. Not 22! Simon is really turning the water into wine. The other point is that they have 41 million followers on Twitter or rather their official twitter page and five individual accounts all added together have around that amount. Even their biggest fans must go WTF! when they heard those numbers.

X Factor UK: Live Shows: Week 5

On this year’s X Factor UK’s series one of the songs that must be earning the most from royalties is PSY’s Gangnam Style which is featured at the beginning of tonight’s shows. The theme is number one songs and after the show I wondered why couldn’t they have had each contestant sing one each of the 29 sings that have gotten to number one on the UK charts so far this year but themes never really matter or are stuck to on X Factor. 

Nicole in her VT boasts that she has three acts left is surely a possible omen that Rylan may go tomorrow night as it won’t or can’t be Jahmene or James Arthur that will go for a few weeks yet. 

Dermot says that the judges have 78 number one between them. The fact that just one of those songs is Tulisa’s Young from this says a lot about the judge’s own individual chart success. 23 of those 78 songs are revealed later by Dermot to be groups that Louis managed so it is also number one by association. 

Lucy’s departure from the competition is moved on from very quickly. Ella is now the only female contestant in the competition, there are twelve male contestants. I know seven of them are from two groups but most of the best contestants this year were female and many of them should still be in the show at this mid way point.

Rylan: Rylan maps out his future reality television career by going to visit Amy Childs with Nicole. Nicole’s VTs with her boys are edited like a silly reality television show in itself especially in tonight’s show with Rylan and Jahmene. 

On stage Rylan is dressed like an elegant parrot and his backing dancers are styled a bit like Nicole. There will always be some references to her in Rylan’s performance on each show. Like contestants such as Wagner and Jedward in previous series Rylan would be nothing  without the stage set up for his performance. As Hung Up already used Abba’s Gimme Gimme Gimme (A Man after Midnight) Rylan both manages to do his usual mash up and sings the song as it was when it was first released. It of course annoys Madonna fans everywhere and it’s hard not to think how many much more talented performers there are right at that moment in gay clubs all over the UK and Ireland. Gary’s comments are ones that you could write in advance and Nicole’s ‘effortless and beautiful’ are like she mixed up her Rylan notes with Ella’s. For all of his awfulness on stage Rylan is always very sweet and funny when he stands before the judges and I think that is why sways the public to him when voting.

Union J: George has his guitar in the VT so you know he’s going to have it on stage. Of the two groups Union J are the band that Simon wants to push the most. When their dolls are on sale they will come with interchangeable faces:  fake worried/ smiling. Their names are all highlighted in the VT to remind us that they have names. Of all of the acts that play the X Factor game well this year I think Union J know what they are expected to do. With Taylor Swift’s  album Red number one in the UK this week Union J sing her previously most well known song Love Story. It is a gorgeous pop song and they do it justice, nothing exciting but that’s not what they are about. It’s how they look. Their stage set is completely simple so the focus is completely on them as a marketable brand. Tulisa’s adopts a terrible Irish accent when talking to Louis and I wish he was man enough to say that’s not ok especially after the very badly thought out potato head joke on Xtra Factor last weekend.

Kye: Kye goes to visit his brother in the first of ‘regular jobs are terrible’ moments. This has been  a continuous reference point  in most of the other series but also comes across as one of the most condescending. On stage Kye sings the New Radicals You Get What You Give which was a great song in it’s day but that’s the problem. It represented the period it came from. Kye’s styling is still so dated, the rolled up sleeves on his jacket, the two tone shirt. 

When he faces the judges Nicole is about to say something negative and then stops which she does at least once every week now. I think there is something likeable about Kye and I wish they edited him a bit more to show this. He does mess it up a bit when he wishes his mum a happy birthday, you can see Dermot thinking ‘oh no! You cheesed it up right at the end.’

James Arthur: This week’s master-class is with No Doubt. For some reason it starts with James Arthur. Maybe Rylan would have been too much for Gwen Stefani who looks as beautiful as ever, Gwen is exactly how a pop star should like, so perfect. When James says that he is going to sing Don’t Speak she laughs which comes across a bit badly. James always looks like a wounded puppy so it hard to tell whether he minds or not. Don’t Speak actually suits him but it’s an OTT pained version. His rap is awful and it is like forced urban, just unnecessary. I do think he is much more Tulisa’s contestant than Nicole’s and I think he would prefer her a mentor as well. Gary’s comments are too much, everything is so predictable.

Ella: When Ella is talking to Tulisa in her VT I thought it was Cheryl in her dressing gown so that was a weird moment. Ella also meets No Doubt and Gwen says that Firework would suit her.  Her age yet again is mentioned. I got the felling that Gwen had watched some of the performances and seemed to have an interest in the singers. She also speaks about the importance of them having an identity and that is something that they simply have to have. Ella cannot be Adele or someone who sings slowed down versions of Katy Perry songs. Last year’s winners Little Mix are doing this now as a pop group and in order for Ella to be a pop star she has to do the same. Gary’s comment that her performance is simple and stunning is true but there are some wobbly notes. Tulisa calls Louis Lou Lou which I think only Sinitta should be allowed to. 

District 3: The Grange Hill theme music plays when they show their very recent Youtube past and empathise the fact that they are childhood friends. I think even their parents are too young to remember Grange Hill. District 3’s band name should be called Innocent. They are three guys you would worry about, they are like Britney or other singers that went into pop too young and naive. I always get the impression that they have very little say in their performance in any way.

Taio Cruz’s Dynamite is so not their kind of song. It is so obvious that this is what Louis thinks will make them ‘current’. The girl dancers just don’t work with them, it just doesn’t convince. I don’t ever remember Boyz II Men having to dance it up to be credible. There is a cartwheel moment which is very Jedward. Like Kye; District 3 are from another music era. Similar to Jade last week you can see on their faces they may be in the bottom two on Sunday night. One of them keeps on doing the defiant moment that Michael Jackson did in his concerts which just makes me sad.

Jahmene: His trip to Asda with Nicole comes as no surprise as it was in the media all during the week and I think that’s where the show is losing this year. This would be a great live on television moment but when we know about it in advance there is no element of surprise. Nicole loves taking part in this ‘on location’ segment of the show but like Kye visiting his brother at work it just is condescending. The attitude is the only lifestyle to have in life is through reality television fame. Jahmene looks extra awkward in the VT which has no connection to him, there are no friends or colleagues included in the VT so it feels that it could have been any branch of Asda they were in to be honest, very different to Mary in Tesco last year. The gag is simply wealthy pop star Nicole in an Asda uniform.

Dermot makes me wonder again about his sexuality as he for no real reason draws attention to Kye’s brother’s chest in the audience. More awkwardness!

On stage Jahmene sings Beyonce’s Listen. I almost fast forwarded through it as it is exactly as you know it is going to be but it is a powerful version. Tulisa has a stab at Alexandra Burke when she says she has never heard a woman sing it as well ‘let alone a man’ which also seem to say that it is just a woman’s song. There is this weird music homophobia that Tulisa expresses sometimes. It is  still Beyonce’s song and Jahmene’s version has put her back in the ITunes charts within minutes of his singing it. 

Christopher: Despite there only being eight acts this evening it feels like a long show. Christopher meets Gwen and she is lovely to him. I can’t believe he wore that hoodie and scarf thing when he goes to see her, at least make an effort! He sings All by Myself and it’s meant to be the Eric Carmen version but is of course a version of the Celine Dion version. It is a much covered song on X Factor type shows including the fact that Leona sang in the final in 2006. It saddens me a bit that his version is now added to the ‘notable versions’ of the song on the Wikipedia page. Tulisa looks completely bored during the song and he cries in front of Nicole. I throw my television out the window. 

It’s impossible to tell if Christopher or Rylan will be in the bottom two as every week they should be but never are. I think it may be Kye and District 3, either could go. I also think Lucy may come back at some stage as rules do not matter.

X Factor October 28th: The Results Show

In each of the results show so far this series the group song on the Sunday night has been sung live which really shows who has the most potential to be a proper pop star.  To date it has been a very mixed bag. While each act have their own merits and styles individually they never really gel as well as they could with the group song. The ironic thing is that the most up to date songs or performance is usually on the Sunday night either in the group song or sing off. Tonight’s Without You was originally sung by Usher and it was a generally good performance until it went all disco gospel at the end. I tried to imagine Lucy singing any of it. Couldn’t! Jahmene always looks the most uncomfortable during the group song and is clearly much better as a solo ballad singer and Christopher goes into full steam cruise ship mode – the sway – oh lordy! Looking back on it now it’s interesting that Union J sung first as they would be in the bottom two. They seemed to miss their second camera cue during the song.

The guest performances are also interesting in the fact that the singer or band’s most recent song isn’t always sung. Such was the case with Fun. who choose to sing We Are Young. It was a super performance but I wish they had performed Carry On their newest song. Fun. are touring again next year as they mentioned and are playing a bigger venue here in Dublin.

Robbie Williams was the highlight of the whole weekend. Candy is a song that was written to be a big pop hit and is a great comeback single. I think part of Robbie’s charm is that his on stage character is bisexual so that’s why he can flirt with both the women and men in the audience.

I wish Dermot would shut up saying how uncomfortable the man in the audience looked. Robbie’s lap dance with Louis was brilliant and I wish the regular Saturday night had more of that element of fun  and court jester madness. On the Saturday night shows it’s all left to novelty act Rylan, there has to be an awful act that does well each year but if Rylan could sing he could be great as he has that sheer lust for fame more that any of the others. If Jackie Collins wrote a fiction book about reality shows like X Factor Rylan would definitely be a main character. 

Yesterday I felt it was obvious that Jade was going to be in the bottom two and if she was up against any of the two boy bands she didn’t have a chance. Her performance of White Flag was great and has sent the Dido song back into the ITunes charts yet again. She doesn’t need any more royalties! The producers and Simon know that Union J are of course much more marketable and they will have  twice as many fans as Jade will have. It’s a cruel show and Jade went far too early. It’s also interesting that all four acts that have gone so far have been female or had a female group member; Carolynne, Melanie, Charlie from MK1 and now Jade. Gary was never going to be left with just one act so early in the series so Jade had to go as Lucy and Ella are still strong contestants for Tulisa to have. I wonder would Union J have gone home if they had been up against Lucy.

X Factor UK Live shows: Hallowe’en: And then there were 10 (or 9 plus Lucy)

The only television show that I watch every autumn and winter in a very much love/hate fashion is X Factor UK. When I first started blogging I used to write about X Factor each week but I haven’t done so for a few years. With ten acts left in the final live shows I decided to start writing an X Factor post again each weekend. 

So many things need to change after this year if the show is to continue past ten years in 2013. It almost needs to go back to the very beginning with Simon as a judge and the contestants walking into a small room with four judges sitting at one table and no audience in the background. So much time has been invested in the contestants such as Jahmene, Lucy and Ella this year before the live shows that there was no element of surprise at who would get through. The fact that voting begins before any contestants sings a note shows that it is all about the money such as this year’s inclusion of pre-ordering of songs on ITunes before the performances even happens. 

Dermot’s ‘dance’ at the beginning of each live show also has to go next year. Alas! any hope that Dermot may have been gay diminishes each week for me as the camera pulls further back into the studio audience to hide his routines! 

Lucy: As there are ten contestants left in the show I wanted to start with Lucy who is not in this week’s show as she is ill (from flu). She is featured during the show as a pumpkin at Rylan’s birthday and in a very tight suit at the James Bond première. I love that Lucy is still herself as opposed to the traditional gender nonsense of suits for the men and dresses for the women at film premières. I know women like Diane Keaton always wear what they want at public media events but I think Lucy’s non conforming on shows like the x Factor is brilliant. On Saturday’s show the camera focus in the VT is very evidently much more on Tulisa, Jade and Ella. 

I thought Lucy’s version of Titanium last week was her best Lucy quirky version so far this series but it’s also easy to think how many more takes can she do of other people’s songs before her non-core fan base vote for other contestants. I always think when contestants are sick and allowed to go straight through to the next week that it is very unfair on the other contestants but the producers want Lucy to be in the show for as long as possible. it will be interesting to see what she sings next week.

Kye: Robbie Williams is mentoring / promoting his new single on the Sunday night show.  Kye says that he has a masterclass with Robbie. A masterclass! Seriously! Kye sings Let Me Entertain You and it’s all as you expect. His performance reminds me of many previous contestants who were told to ‘up their game’ in the week’s previous shows and come back with a ‘rockier’ sound. It would have been hilarious Kye had gone last week and Gary was just left with Chris. The same thing may happen tomorrow night.

Union J: Like One Direction all that Union J will ever need to have is one big hit single. The rest of their careers will be backpacks, pencil cases and their faces on merchandise. They are a brand already. They are a classic example of how important the look of the group is. George was so obviously brought in to make a pretty looking boy band look even prettier. Their version of Beyonce’s Sweet Dreams is not terrible but is exactly how their marketed pop brand has to sound for now. The ‘fans’ at the front of the stage is all so plastic it’s unreal. 

Rylan: The thing about Rylan is when he starts singing and you don’t like the song you know a few seconds later he will sing a completely unrelated song. Such is the case yet again tonight as his performance consists of Toxic, Horny and Poison. That could be the brand name of Nicole’s future perfume. X Factor is so beyond self referential that Rylan sings one of his mentor’s songs and Louis has to also reiterate that it’s Nicole’s songs for the Christopher fans at home.  I thought Rylan has lost some of Rylan-ness last week when he shaved off his beard but it’s on the way back already. Louis goes into the whole ‘you remind me’ motion which he does so much tonight Usher should nearly get song title royalties. 

Ella: One of the most awful moments of this year’s series was last week when Ella had to apologise for being 16. That in a sentence sums up the show for me. Ella has to be the ‘new Adele’ no matter what. One of the typical X Factor script trends each year is to criticise the favourite of the competition and Ella two weeks in a row is criticised by Gary. When Nicole criticised her performance her comments were followed up by Gary’s ‘Really?’ which only reiterates doubts in viewers minds. Simon in other seasons of the show put acts in the bottom two this way many a time. It is highly unlikely Ella will be in the bottom two for another few weeks if ever in the series. However, with each criticism of genuinely good acts Gary always seem to lose votes for his own acts. What I love about Ella is the fact that when she sings a song even the biggest pop music fan may not recognise it at first. She did it again with Evanescence’s Bring Me To Life. My favourite performance of the night.

Christopher: Gary’s chats on the couch with Christopher each week are like the end of a home decorating show where the host and home owner discuss how it all went. Either Gary or Christopher could be the host on that show. No matter how Christopher is styled he will always be more Burton than Top Man. Not only do they exceed how many times the words ‘me nan’ are used in the VT but Gary’s mam also a gets a mention. 

Christopher is so not the X Factor but I say he has a great 1980’s music collection (all on vinyl) at home which of course includes tonight’s (I Just) Died in Your Arms by Cutting Crew. Gary was 15 when that song was first released. I just looked up his age and can’t believe he’s 41!

Fag Ash Lil/Last of the Summer wine bust Up: There was a great moment after Gary’s Fag ash breath comment to Tulisa when she pauses for just a few mili-seconds too long to show her ‘shock’. It you look at the moment on screen again she quickly looks through her notes as well. Louis also does his best Panto Dame “Ohhhh! My word! He didn’t!” face too.  Gary’s moving his chair away makes it seems like it is all real. It’s not real! It rarely is and that’s why we love it. Christopher then goes into the pretend shakes and out of it again so well that he will be a shoo in for the auditions for One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest: The Musical. 

District 3: Their whole Clockwork Orange look tonight is disturbing in more ways than the original film was. Like Rylan they are no longer allowed to just sing one complete song on the Saturday night live show, it has to be a melody/mash up. The Police at this stage may finally be questioning how much Every Breath You Take is to be used in shows like X Factor. As a reminder that Ne-Yo was a guest judge/Sunday night show guest act/friend of Nicole’s/duets with Conor Maynard/ etc. District 3 also sing Beautiful Monster. It’s not good. They are like excited bunnies who not only escape from a cage but learn they can talk/sing. They may be in the ‘bottom two’ on Sunday but not to worry as at least one of not all three will be the new additions to Union J the week after. S Club Union!

Nicole fluffs her lines when she says that she disagrees..no!…agrees with Gary.

Jahmene: He could never be a grief counsellor or newsreader on Sky News; ‘Hurricane Sharon Osbourne has swept America! He-he-he!’ I also couldn’t imagine being stuck in a lift for even 10 minutes with him.  Jahmene sings for Samuel L. Jackson and the funniest moment on the show tonight is when I thought he says that Samuel J ‘feeled me in his phone;’ when he actually says ‘filmed me in his phone’. Jahmene’s version of Killing Me Softly is exactly as you expect. 

Jade: She is the one contestant who is most living the X Factor fantasy or ‘Rihanna as real life’ fantasy. While Lucy’s image and sexuality has not been changed at all and Ella is Adele and not allowed to be 16 it is Jade who is this year’s X Factor siren which is something that she has completely embraced. Jahmene’s Hallowe’en makeover make over consisted of dipping his shirt sleeves in black paint but Jade has gone into outer space with her costume. She sings Freak Like Me by Sugababes and it reminds pop fans of what a great song it was and still is but her performance is used by Gary and Nicole to put her potentially in the bottom two on Sunday. You can almost see in Jade’s eyes ‘well this is it!’. If she’s up against either of the boy bands or Rylan she hasn’t a hope. Cue Louis croaking ‘I don’t know what to do Dermot!!!!!”. 

James Arthur: I just don’t see James Arthur being a pop star but I still think that about Ed Sheeran and to a degree Professor Green who James Arthur most wants to be. His performance of Eurythmics’ Sweet Dreams is good but the completely over the top comments take away from anything he does on stage. There is sullenness there every week that the judges never choose to pick up on. Nicole’s comment that he will be an ‘international star’ and the girls loving him is too much too soon. You can see that even he is not convinced by their platitudes. Labrinth is this week’s number one in the UK with Emeli Sande and the extended VT of James interactions with them from backstage at last Sunday’s show and his own guest appearance at the Labrinth concert is used to associate him with number one best-selling artists.

Here are two links to other X Factor writes up that I read every week.

The first is from Paul’s Fizzy Pop website where he has written about X Factor every year and he is still spot on in his observations. This week’s post is here.

and the second is from the Unreality TV website which covers all the X Factor shows and news about it off stage too. This week’s post is here.